THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
