I hate your face
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
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