her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
