I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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