The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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