i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
