You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
