With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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