Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
