I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
