Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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