There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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