Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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