Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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