So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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