Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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