When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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