im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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