her vagina looked like bernie madoff
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
