I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
