i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
