I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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