They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
