he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
