the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
