2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
