What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
