Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
