i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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