saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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