hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
