my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
