Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
