Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
