She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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