When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
