I love black thongs
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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