i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We got so high we made milksteak
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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