u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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