I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
