Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
im on a boat
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