You work out of a Hotel?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
