did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
