Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i will never coherently bang her
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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