He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We need to get me chipped asap
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
