I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
