I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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