i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
