dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
