you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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