Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
