I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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