I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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