lets start a swedish sibling band together
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
