College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
