So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
