its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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