now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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