It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
