y did u give ur computer a hand job?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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