Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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