why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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