Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
