im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
