Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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