Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
