Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
