we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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