i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
