PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
