There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
