Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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