i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
