oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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