i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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