Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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