it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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