my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
