need another drink. this is the easiest way
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
