this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
