just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
