Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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