i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
