"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
