forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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