I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
